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They all connect to an incredibly unemployed asexual grungler

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Would you sell liquor to this baby?

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Once you notice bisexual lighting being used, you can not unsee it

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Test your metaphors on the weirdest and most neurodivergent child you know

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I don't know how a painting can convey "this horse has disturbing carnal knowledge," but it sure does.

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Do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

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"Do any other straight guy's straight porn addiction lead them to having gay sex that you regret after?"

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I went from being a nanny to bartending and accidentally put a whole bachelorette party in time-out.

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Oh no the witch letters have formed the horny configuration!

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They accidentally Rock Lee'd a retired racehorse

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texas before the islamic revolution

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/43366952

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are u straight or are u logistically difficult

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The only fake gamer girl we've ever seen is elon musk

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Slice of ketchup

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Slice of ketchup anyone?

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With selective breeding it's possible to achieve cheese, sauce and even hotdog stuffed crusts.

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And what's the genital situation on the shadows

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Yeah, that mountain likes to move around.

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Who's getting custody of syntax error?

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Florida man caught illegally feeding wild alligator resists arrest: "He's a good boy... and he loves bagels."

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Headline reads: "Florida man caught illegally feeding wild alligator resists arrest: "He's a good boy... and he loves bagels."" to which a commenter responds "This is the very first Florida man story where I said to myself "free him.""
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The Taliban gave me toothpaste and soap.

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My pot roast only took an hour to cook why yall be lying like it take all day

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User Lay Lay says: "My pot roast only took an hour to cook why yall be lyin like it take all day." To which user Nate Conner II says: "I bet that shit taste like an alternator belt."
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New winter homes built for Scotland's rarest amphibian on the Solway Coast

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New winter homes built for Scotland’s rarest amphibian on the Solway Coast | Species On The Edge

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Their mock election was so realistic the school even played the role of the CIA

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Tumbler user iris writes: "My 17 year old brother's school did a mock election and one of the kids ran as the communist party as a joke and the school made them stop because they were winning." To which user amateur-climber-pro-shitposter responds: "Their mock election was so realistic the school even played the role of the CIA."
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Horse tornado for children

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Psychotic crackheads ripping the copper wiring out of the walls to try and find the Woke Machine that makes women not want to fuck them.

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Screenshot where user Hope is the Thing Wit... says: "This shit isn't a triumphant Reich installing their master plan, it's psychotic crackheads ripping the copper wiring out of the walls to try and find the Woke Machine that makes women not want to fuck them."
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Jonathan, the giant tortoise, the world's oldest living land animal 'is alive' after getting caught up in alleged crypto scam.

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Photo of Jonathan the giant tortoise being visited by british royalty in 1947. The headline reads: "Jonathan, the giant tortoise, the world's oldest living land animal 'is alive' after getting caught up in alleged crypto scam." And the sub header reads: "reports of the nearly 200 year old creature's demise were posted on X by a host vet account and Jonathan was later revealed to be alive and well."

Context: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/02/worlds-oldest-tortoise-crypto-death-scam

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oh no my moths

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A screenshot of a post where MarketWatch says: "By 35, you should have twice your salary saved, according to experts." Anthony Oliveira replies: "[Turns pockets inside out; two moths fly out] oh no my moths."
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POV: you're a zoo penguin about to be put down

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A screenshot of a post where user Cjay tags a picture of a seafood bowl with: My wife hooked me up tonight. The comment is Kyle saying: POV: you're a zoo penguin about to be put down.
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The Rotisserie Bastard is done with his procedure and ready for pickup

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I have been logged out of my toothbrush

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Joey Chestnut to defend hot dog eating title while on probation after pleading guilty to battery

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Headline of an articles reading: "Joey Chestnut to defend hot dog eating title while on probation after pleading guilty to battery" above a picture captioned: "Joey Chestnut eats hot dogs during the 2025 Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July hot dog eating contest in the Coney Island section of the Brooklyn borough of New York, July 4, 2025. (AP Photo/Yuki Iwamura, File)"
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There were no bathrooms before either, so it's actually a pre-existing issue. —mudkip

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A screenshot of user mudkip saying: "If you asked Claude to build you a house it would build you the most beautiful house, and then you'd go inside and you'd be like, "Claude, there's no bathrooms." And Claude would say "There were no bathrooms before either, so it's actually a pre-existing issue."

Context: https://lemmy.today/post/51948898?scrollToComments=true

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I'm not sure what nipples you're seeing, but I just see a lot of cats — Rai

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Screenshot from lemmy. Ragepaw: "Seeing LTT's nipples is normal for you?" Rai: "I don't know what nipples you're seeing, but I just see a lot of cats."

Context: https://lemmy.today/post/53181169?sort=Top

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